A tale of six ducks

I. Love. Ducks. And elephants and penguins…but that isn’t the subject of this post. We showed up at our first kickball game at the JCC and there are ducks waddling through the dug out. I think I shrieked out of giddiness, commented on how cute the little family was, snapped a photo and walked away.

It didn’t really occur to me how they were going to get out of the fenced area (because you have to walk allll the way around the dug out to the other side) until some annoying girl started screaming asking everyone if they were “animal people”. I mean, what the heck were we supposed to do? Pick up the wild duck and her ducklings and politely carry them to a safer area? Yeah right. I like ducks but not that much. So the ducklings are jumping back and forth through the fence because they’re little enough, but the mom is flipping out. She keeps sticking her neck through the holes but then gets stuck. So then she tries another hole the exact same size because well…she’s a duck and she’s stupid. (Whoopsies)

So not only can we not play our game with a bunch of ducks behind home plate, but I’m also worried that this mom is going to kill herself trying to save her family or give herself a heart attack. – Can ducks have heart attacks? I wonder how common that is? – Anyway.

My plan is this. I will simply break the fence, hold it up and scoot the little ducks through the hole. Um. Negative. I can’t break the fence – it’s metal! Oh wait. Found a part of the fence that was already sort of broken (thank you poor city maintenance). So I’m pulling the bottom of this fence up with all my might so this damn duck can waddle under. Unfortunately me being there is scaring her…so while she gets CLOSE to me…she never actually goes under. Finally I found the first aid kit, stuck it under there to hold it up so the humans could step back. She knows something is good about what I did, but again…she’s a duck and she’s stupid so she’s jumping on TOP of the hole I made. The damn duck just can’t figure out she needs to go UNDER. Finally after probably 20 minutes (I’m not exaggerating) she finally figures out what the h she is supposed to do and jumps under the fence with her little babies safely in tow. Lizzi to the rescue. I know, I’m amazing. Who knew I would be such a duck lover? Our childhood dog Smokey scared the sh*t out of me for the whole 48 hours we owned him.

Hopefully they didn’t walk across Northaven and get run over after my heroic attempt to save their lives.